celeni's Cancer Blog
August 24, 2008
| Does cancer make you want to be invisible? | Views: 1386 |
I have only witnessed what this cancer can do to someone
who used to get the attention from the room upon entering with his smile…his genuine pleasant thunderous voice booming with enthusiasm…his friendliness…his personality…and the passion in his eyes.
Cancer…the reluctance of celebrating good news because of the worry of “what is going to happen next”. The disease that makes you want to be invisible…that can make you avoid eye contact with others in the hope of not being “noticed.” Is it that you dont want others to see the weakness,pain or sadness in your eyes?
I can not even imagine how every aspect of life changes after someone is diagnosed with cancer…even ordinary things that we all do on a daily basis might now be looked upon as something we took for granted. Going for a walk…working in the yard…playfully wrestling around with a loved one and laughing uncontrollably…now all takes effort…and can be so physically taxing….if even possible at all.
What gives some people the hope,strength and determination needed in these sobering times? I wish I had the answer for my boyfriend..and for every one in this world that has cancer…and for the people who love and support them.
Is it faith? If so…strengthen your faith.
Is it love? If so…look around you…love is everywhere.
Is it passion? Renew your passion…or find a new one. Something that is close to your heart…or a hobby…or a project that you can do.
Is it communication? Then talk to me…or better yet…talk to others that are going through the same thing in their lives…this blog site is a great starting place…and there are cancer support groups. Talk to your friends…return their phone calls. They dont care if you have lost weight, or lost your hair…they care about YOU.
I want Wes to know that I love him…and that I support him…I want to be there for him but sometimes I dont know how. I know we cant turn back time…but we can cherish what time we all have left together because none of us, cancer or not, are guaranteed TIME. I want to support his decisions on treatments…because it is HIS quality of life.
At this moment…although we are apart in distance…I want to lay beside you…feel your arms around me…feel your heart beating and the rise of your chest…and look into your eyes to see if I can catch just a glimpse of that sparkle that I love so much.
Does cancer make you want to be invisible?, 
2 comments)
veronica 
Sharon Traywick 
Thanks for your support -
It is 3:30 in the morning here in Indiana, and reading your post has brought me full awake with amazement! You have put your finger on that small nagging feeling that I have never been able to put my finger on.
In a word YES, cancer makes me want to be invisible. Not because of the cancer but because of the response it generates. People who used to hear my voice and think of the laughs and the powerful personality and everything you described with Wes, now they hear that same voice and look at me with pity and sorrow, as if they are just waiting for me to die!
Every sneeze brings questions. Every lost or gained pound. Every up or down day. Everything is now filtered through the knowledge that I have had cancer.
I imagine Wes just wants to be Wes. Not sick Wes, not survivor Wes, not getting better or worse Wes. Just Wes, and since that is unlikely he may just want to be invisible Wes.
He is as lucky to have you as I am to have Jan. But there are still times when the sadness in her eyes kills me, even when I know she doesn’t realize it shows…
If the only options are cancer or invisible I will take invisible.
Thank you, dear lady for such marvelous insight. I am eternally grateful.
hugz
Mac
Celeni & Mac,
Oh my. I sit here with tears in my eyes. Celeni, what a treasure you are for seeing so clearly what it is like for those of us with the disease. I thought that no one could know unless they walked it themselves. You are a miracle, and Wes is so blessed. Mac, as usual you speak so eloquently, for all of us.