celeni's Cancer Blog
September 2, 2008
| When it rains it pours... | Views: 1563 |
About 30 minutes after my previous post, I called Freida at the hospital to see how thing were going. She told me that Dennis, the male nurse, burst into his room saying that his heart rate was dancing between 170 and 180. They took Wes’s blood pressure and it was real low…60’s&70’s over 40/50ish. To her surprise and Wes’s he didnt seem to feel anything strange going on. She said they were hanging in there with him trying to get his blood pressure up. Of course I told her I was on my way and grabbed a few things, called my neighbors to feed my dogs and headed off on the 60 minute drive. An hour gives you a lot of time to think…what is going on…is his heart failing?? I know there has been times in everyones lives that we are amazed that we make our destination and cant remember a thing about actually driving…which was the case here.
When I got there he had electrodes pasted all over him…and looked amazingly good…and was in pretty good spirits. It is so strange that he looks healthy…filled out. It appears that he is still retaining fluids that I mentioned in my last post. We stood there around the monitors watching his heart rate and checking out his blood pressure everytime it automatically ran…hoping that perhaps there had been some fluke in the equipment. Even though the blood pressure did come up a bit it was not enough. They had determined that one side of the heart was pumping very very slow, while the other side was going wild and they needed to get the heart back in rythym. THey were going to take him to CCU and administer a pharmalogic cardioversion to return the heart to normal sinus rhythm. They preferred to do this as oppossed to zapping him with the paddles.
We gathered all of his belongings, and ours, from the room and piled them onto his wheelchaiir which made it easy to transport. We had his “man-bag”, our overnight bags, pillows, blankets..you name it…we piled it all on and sat there and waited for them to transport him to CCU. You know that nothing ever happpens too quickly. Even though everyone was up in the air and running around…when it got down to “putting the orders” to move him in it seemed like it took well over an hour.
They hooked his container that was connected to the drainage tube in his chest, his oxygen…everything that he was hooked to and draped it all over him. Wes is getting to be quite a pro at all of his equipment and was giving suggestions to them as to where the best place would be to put things..and watch out for this..and arent you going to do that. This was no time for grins…but from being kind of zoned out from the emotional roller coaster ride that Freida and I had been on…and from being tired…we couldnt help but look at each other, grin and kind of roll our eyes (lovingly, of course).
We followed him down to CCU where there were a lot of restrictions on visitation, etc. but somehow managed to be allowed to be in the room with him while they were going to run the drugs in him…I guess at 2:00 am in the morning they were a little lax on the rules. We sat over there as quiet as church mice. We had a bizarre incident that was very humiliating to Wes come up that I wont go into details about. But Freida and I were there with him and we all got through it. My heart just went out for Wes. AS he said…he knows what a woman feel s like when she is having a baby…as far as exposing body parts and such…no shame…no privacy.
Four people came in to perform this procedure and said that they allowed 10 minutes for the conversion from an out of control heartbeat to a normal one…and had a crash kit sitting there “just in case”. Everything was so intense and so surreal…they administered the drug into his IV…sat and watched this computer thing…and everytime a “beep” would go off, they would all turn their heads in sync to look at another monitor. They kept looking at the clock…one person would say the time into the procedure and another would say no change. ABout 8 or 9 minutes into it Wes said “is it working?” to which there reply was “no..not yet”. 10 minutes had passed and no change. I dont know about Freida, but I was preparing myself not to freak out if they brought the paddles out. About 2-3 minutes later…walaa..we hear a long beep and then a steady one. One of the nurses said…”it just converted”! Wow…talk about being able to cut the tension in the room with a knife.
His heartbeat was in the low 90’s…blood pressure pretty durn close to normal. Of course he was going to stay in there to be observed for at least the next 8-10 hours. Wes said a few minutes after the conversion…he felt something…he said he felt good. He said ” I didnt know that I was feeling bad…but i feel…better.” They decided they would kick us out until visiting hours at 10:00…it was about 4:00am…and oh by the way…the CCU waiting room was closed so we were directed to 2nd floor North Pavillion to the lobby to get some rest. There we went through the maze of the hospital…looking like two homeless haggard women pushing our wheelchair with all of our belongings. We made it to the lobby…of course there were no couches…only chairs that we lined up to face each other to try to get comfortable enough to sleep in. And we certainly werent the only ones. We passed people sleeping sitting straight up…some laying on the floor…some with their heads bobbing from falling asleep and then catching themselves. I couldnt help but wonder what their stories were. What was going on with their loved ones…what kind of emotional roller coaster have they been on.
We did manage to get a little shut eye..about 2 hours worth…it wasnt pretty or very comfortable. It may have been different if I was a petite little flower…but I am sort of an Amazonian gal…5’9…my ass was on one chair with legs dangling over the back and my back (from the middle of it) was on the other chair. BUT we did have pillows and a blanket in our little homeless wheelchair of a cart…and we were sure to place it strategically so that we could protect out possesions. I almost felt like it was a Mad MAx kind of scenario…strange what lack of sleep and stress will make you think about.
I woke up first wondering if I was going to be able to get out of my position without too much trouble…which I did. I went and got us a couple of cups of coffee, a blueberry muffin…we packed up the wheelchair and started working our way back to the CCU waiting room since we were told that it would be open at 7:00 am. We were wtill getting strange looks…our big pile on the wheelchair now had one our blankets draped over it and it could look, to a non suspecting person, that there was a person we were wheeling around. I was pushing it and would act like I was popping the person on the top of the head and saying something like “I said HUSH” to which Freida and I would just crack up. I know that was sick to find humor in that…but we did. THe CCU waiting room was unlocked…which had about 4 comfortable loveseats in it…which sure would have felt good a few hours ago!
We visited Wes during the allotted times. We always missed the doctors and we were used to being in on all of the discussions…this was driving us insane. We didnt know if they were going to keep him in there another night…or move him to a room…but we did know this… he was still in extremely good spirits…had an appetite…and if he was going to be in CCU where he got the utmost attention…we were going to both go home and just sleep. They decided about 5:30 pm that they would send him back to his old room. Wes was excited and looking forward to being around the familiar faces of the nurses and PCT’s that he had befriended during his stay. I left around 7 and Freida stayed till about 8:30 so that she could talk to the nurse, make sure that she had contact numbers…and to give her a list of concerns that we had drafted up during the day.
Abdominal bloating…is his output matching his intake? Is his kidneys working properly? Where is the fluid that his lungs had been seccreting going to now that they had sealed the plueral lining? It had to be going somehwere…could that be causing the swelling? What about the right lung that is completely cloudy? They did an xray or a catscan before the heart incident to try to determine what the heck was going on…what were the results of that..or would they have to do another?
We both got a good nights sleep…I went to work and called Wes a couple of times..the second time I called Freida and his mother had just walked in the door with some Sneaky Pete hot dogs that he had been craving. A couple of hours later Freida called me and told me that they had found that either his existing tumor…or a new tumor was pressing against his bronchial tube..that was the reason that he was still short of breath. They are going to do radiation for the next 10 days on that tumor with the hopes of shrinking it so that he can breath better. I called him this evening before I started writing this “novel”...sorry about that…I didnt mean to ramble so…and he was hoping to get a good nights sleep..and of course, Freida was there with him. God bless her…she is such a strong loving woman…and God Bless Wes.
And Lord…I know you are listening…could you please just give him a little break…please?
veronica 
Sharon Traywick 
Thanks for your support -
Oh Celeni my dear,
You, Freida, and of course Wes are so very special. I can imagine myself right there with you as a partner in crime. Keeping your spirits up and finding those moments to be playful (the wheelchair incident) are so good for all of you. It helps Wes to remain strong and recover well and it helps you as his supporters to be positive for him and keep up your strength for your own sanity. Laughter is indeed some of the best medicine. He is experiencing so many things. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers. Keep us posted. We all really do care and I feel already as if I know you and we are friends. From California to Alabama… much love, Gaile
Alright, I read this at 4 AM, it is now 10:30 in Chicago and I am left with the image of Celini in a leather skirt, full shinning breastplate. Maybe thigh high leather boots and a shield, and the huge spear, standing over Wes telling him to get better. Sorry, I got to the whole “amazon” line and went horribly afield. But don’t worry, I will be okay, lets just say Wes is a lucky lucky man….
Just a chuckle from a friend, I hope it was out of line and uncalled for because that feels like it might help about now. Tell Wes I am certified in CPR, so if he needs me…if the heart goes slow again…and I just trimmed my beard.
I am sure you have more than enough serious people with you so I hope this gives you a laugh or smirk or something.
Nothing but love and prayers from Indiana.
Mac
Cel, it was several minutes after I read your post before I was able to speak. To read the sadness in your words rips at my heart. You know that I am usually the glib and snappy person, but for weeks I have been unable to find any words that I think might bring you comfort. I feel utterly helpless: I feel that I have let you down. If I could, I would shoulder this load for you and take away your pain. You know that I am not much of a believer, but for you and Wes I have prayed. I am here. If you ever need me for anything. Anything at all. I hope you know that.
For those of you who might know Celeni from the message board, let me assure you that she is every bit the genuine person. It has been my great privilege to have known Cel for many years and I am grateful for her friendship. In fact, I would have to say that Celeni is the best friend I have ever had. We have laughed and cried together many times over the years and I count many of our adventures among my fondest life memories. She has been there for me more times than I can count. Cel has the amazing ability to somehow make it all better. She has the most positive, upbeat personality I have ever known – she always finds the best in the worst situations. More than once I have gone to her feeling the weight of the world bearing down on me, only to leave with a smile and a hope. I can’t think of anyone that has ever known her that would not tell you that their life has been better for it. She is loving, giving soul that always has the time for anyone in need. I have often joked that I was going to design a sign for her front door that reads: Miss Celeni’s Home for Lost Animals & Humans. She has the biggest heart of any person I have ever known. I have been so happy for her that Wes came into her life and brought her smiles, love and laughter. No one deserves it more. For just that reason alone, Wes is one of my favorite people.
I could go on and on singing her praises – and still not fully express the truly wonderful person that she is. I ask that, whether you believe or not, please keep her and Wes in your prayers. As a friend, I thank you all for the support that you have given to her. In Celeni, we are all reminded that cancer is an insidious disease that attacks us all in one way or another. Let us all be committed to pushing for a cure and supporting those that work towards that end.
Hello Celeni and Wes. Larry Barnes here. Found and read your blog for the first time. Have only heard bits and pieces from others and was concerned, even from the start. Have kept all you in my prayers and thoughts from the beginning. Lots of good people here in town talk lots of good things about Wes. They still play a lot of his favorite tunes on Thursdays at the pickin’ and grinnin’. Wish I could see or talk to him, but let him know I’m thinking about him, Freida, you, and all the family. Thanks for the update.
Celini; Your words and phrases, your insightful perspective on the medical world are very enlightening and fearful all at the same time. Your pictorial of the last couple of days of Wes’s life has been nothing but that – an introspective of what he is going through, what the medical team is and is not doing, and most importantly your reaction to the situation you and your friend find yourselves in. I feel like a microscope has been injected to all of us to see and understand what a person might have to endure. No wonder they say it is the disease of heroes. It is clear that your friends who have just posted their thoughts about you, have given even more proof of your dedication and support for Wes, no matter how difficult it may be. You have given all of us a lesson, which we all need, about how one person can make a difference to someone’s life, or quality to the end, how we should all be brave and be witness to a person we love. This is the most that one can ask. You have been chosen by the big guy upstairs to be an example to so many. Courage under fire, grace in adversity, humour at all cost, and humility in another’s quest for dignity. You have made us all wake up and realize that there is no dignity near the end, but to be there, comfort, and make the last moments more palatible for the ones we love. That is what we would want for ourselves, someone like you to step up to the plate and take charge. I hope there is one of those angels around me at my time too. God bless you Celini, and of course Wes is the master of courage, which you have shared with us so clearly. He is lucky to have found the right person to be at his side. This is what we would all want to achieve. This is a sad time but one which you will find new meaning down the road, to thank all the people who have been there to support you too. Thank god for Blog for a Cure, because I know without it would be a loss. Keep us posted as we all want you to give your words new meaning to us all. Weezie